I hear it all the time from my clients, from my friends, from everyone in my life that I know that is struggling, especially with weight loss or with creating a healthy lifestyle with exercise – “I just don’t have willpower.” Everybody thinks that willpower is the problem. And if we could just figure out how to get it, if we could just figure out how to keep it, that is the key to getting everywhere we want to be. And I just want to tell you that will power is fleeting.

Think about every January, you’ve got all the motivation, you’re gungho to start the new year and start a wellness program. Most people have lost that willpower by about the second or third week in January. And most people are having that issue. Don’t you think that tells you something about whether willpower is a real thing that you can maintain forever? So the fact is nobody stays motivated or has willpower all the time. I don’t, nobody I know does, celebrities don’t. So if you’re comparing yourself to other people and thinking that the reason they have a healthy lifestyle and that they’re sticking to it is because they have constant ongoing willpower, that’s not the case. That is just not true. If this isn’t working, if you have been trying this over and over again, and you keep blaming it on not having willpower, I’m going to tell you what the actual problem is.

The problem is that you haven’t actually gotten to the root of what is going on. And there are two things at the root of this issue that you probably have not dug into deep enough, because this is how you’re actually going to make it last. Not by thinking you’re going to have willpower all the time. That’s ridiculous. The two things you have to make sure are in place is a lifestyle that supports your healthy habits and having a positive mindset. These are the two things that are going to set you up for success. And these are the two missing pieces that you haven’t put into place. Otherwise this would be working for you. 

I’m going to talk about your lifestyle. Do you actually have time built into your day to create these healthy habits? Do you have a structure in place? Because if you are too busy and too over scheduled, the problem here is that you’re lacking time and you’re lacking energy. And we like to tell ourselves over and over again that we’re lazy. And this is so untrue. If you really think about your life and think about how hard you’re working and think about all the things that you’re juggling with family and your work and everything else, you’re absolutely not lazy. You’re tired. If you work a long, long day and you’ve gotten your kids to school and you’ve done all these things, and you think you’re just magically going to have willpower and energy at the end of the day, to go to the gym and then stop at the grocery store, and then prepare healthy food – it’s probably not going to happen. You’re going to end up at the drive through. You’re going to end up looking for something convenient.

When you think about priorities and how you’re spending your time in life, there are three things we need in order to sustain life. Well, really four, one is oxygen, but that one’s automatic. The other three are food, water, and sleep. And when we think about how busy life is these days, what are the things that keep getting put on the back burner? Eating well, drinking enough water, and getting enough sleep. So our priorities are somehow all skewed and out of whack. We have to start thinking about how to make these things a priority and how to scale down our lifestyle. Because if you’re not able to get food, water, and sleep in, something’s wrong.

So what are your priorities? By saying yes to things, are you saying no to yourself? Because this can become a really dangerous habit. And it’s one that a lot of us have gotten into. So you have to think about what your priorities are and when someone asks you to take on something or when you just decide to take it on yourself, what are you saying no to? What are you pushing out of the way?

Because you’re simply not going to have time to do it. When you start making the space in your life for these healthy habits, you start to feel better. You’re nourishing yourself. You’re giving yourself the food and the nutrients that you need, and you’re actually going to feel better. You’re going to have more energy. You’re going to sleep better at night. Your thinking is going to be more clear, and you’re also going to be able to get your daily tasks done more quickly. When you make yourself a priority and you start giving yourself the things that you need, like sleep, water and food, you start to have more energy and you’re actually more productive. You’re actually able to give more to everyone in your life. So by saying no to something and saying yes to yourself, eventually that ripples out and you end up giving more to everyone in your life because you actually have the energy to do it.

So if you want something different, you have to do something different. You have to take a little deep dive into what this mindset is and where it’s coming from and how you can start to turn that around. And one of the ways is to look back and find evidence that you can have success. What things have you done well in your life? Where have you been successful? What are your strengths? And then how can you apply those same successes and those same strengths to your weight loss and to creating healthy habits? What can you give yourself that you’ve been great at giving to others, like to your job and to your family? You’re smart, you’re diligent, you’re hardworking, you’re nurturing, you’re caring, you’re compassionate, you’re dependable, you’re creative. So how can you take all these wonderful qualities and give them to yourself as much as you’re giving them to everyone else in your life?

You can do this. You can get healthy and stay that way forever. You just have to figure out where those missing pieces of the puzzle are, start to correct them, and move forward in a positive way.