While we are in the midst of the holiday season, we are also living in an epidemic of anxiety, depression, and fatigue. So many women I work with are experiencing being anxious all the time, having trouble sleeping, grinding their teeth at night, and having tightness in their shoulders and neck. Unfortunately, I am one of those guilty as charged.

I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, and it’s something that I am constantly working on. It’s also something that I see so many other people struggling with, and that’s why I chose this for the topic today. 

We are so busy all of the time, and no matter how much we do, we still feel like we need to do more. So we get caught in this vicious cycle because we push ourselves, and the busier we get, the more stressed we feel, and then the more stressed we feel, our energy is lowered. And when we have low energy, we accomplish less. And then, instead of resting, we push and push and try to get even more done. And then the cycle just keeps repeating itself. So I invite you to take a step back with me.  Just be in this moment. 

Let’s take a nice deep breath and talk about self-care. 

Self-care has become a buzzword these days. We hear it all the time, but what does it really mean, and how do we actually get it? Self-care is anything you do for yourself that feels nourishing, promotes physical and mental health, and improves your overall well-being.

So I’m going to give you some examples here in a minute. But first, I wanted to talk about the reasons that we don’t engage in self-care. 

One is that when we think of self-care, we think of it as being overindulgent or selfish. We feel like stepping back and taking this time for ourselves takes away from the other people in our lives who need us or from the projects we think we need to accomplish as being lazy.

Here are some of the most common objections that I hear from people when faced with the issue of self-care.

The most common reason given is, “I don’t have time.”

How many times do you say this to yourself over and over again? We feel like we don’t have time to complete our to-do list in a day, and self-care is just at the bottom of the list. Unfortunately, our society promotes working long hours and not taking vacation days.

It’s this underlying belief that we always have to be productive at home and work. The truth is, there’s always going to be a to-do list. No matter how many things you check off, more things are just going to keep adding on. But when you step back and take some time off to engage in self-care, you’ll relieve some of that stress. You’re going to reduce the anxiety, sleep better, and you’re going to end up having more energy the next day. You’ll also be more productive, creative, and enthusiastic. So everything that you do, you’re going to do better.

Another reason people often give is, “I can’t take time for myself because I have too many people depending on me. I have too many people and things that need my time and attention.”

If you don’t take time off, your body will eventually do it for you.

So if you are burning the candle at both ends, if you are pushing and exhausting yourself, you’re going to end up sick. Something will force you to slow down, and then it will not be as convenient. So you’re not going to get to plan for this self-care. You’re going to be forced into it, and you’re going to be out of commission.

If you take the time to recharge when you are with them, your time will be so much more meaningful and high-quality. And it’s going to improve your relationships because you’re going to be present for those people. They’re going to be getting your best self instead of whatever’s left over.

The third excuse I hear is that people feel like self-care is doing nothing and doing nothing is being lazy.

 We have this phobia of laziness in our society. 

We guilt ourselves when we know we have things we should be doing and aren’t doing. And I would like to help you change your mindset around that. So when I was going through cancer treatments a couple of years ago, I went through chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery. So there was a lot of resting and recovery time required. And if you just saw me from the outside world, you would see me lying on the couch day after day, looking like I’m doing nothing.

But my body was doing so much internal work. At the time, I was fighting cancer. I was dealing with the effects of chemotherapy and flushing the toxins back out of my body. I had so much physical healing going on inside. And when you are doing internal work, it may look like nothing is happening externally, but it is. 

When you’re just sitting, take deep breaths. You’re recharging your battery, rejuvenating your physical body, your hormones are balancing, and you’re resetting your parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems, which is your fight or flight. So self-care is not doing nothing. You’re doing a lot when you’re participating in self-care. 

And another one I hear sometimes is that self-care is expensive. 

So a lot of times when we think of self-care, we often think it has to be a massage, a spa day, or taking a vacation. Those are all wonderful self-care activities, but not realistic for most of us, either financially or time-wise, to do on a regular basis.

There are so many self-care activities that you can do that don’t cost anything. Some of these could be deep breathing exercises, meditation, mindfulness, prayer, and journaling. It could be meeting up with friends and family, reading, or listening to audiobooks and podcasts. One of the self-care practices that I do very regularly is yoga.

Another one could be doing something creative just for the heck of it. Who cares what it comes out to be? Just do it for the act of doing it. 

Self-care needs to be a regular maintenance activity.

Not something that you wait to do when you have a crisis or a breakdown. Think about how your car requires regular maintenance. It requires gas. It requires oil changes. It requires tune-ups and air in the tires. Otherwise, something drastic will happen. We should be treating our bodies as well as we treat our cars. And this requires checking in with yourself regularly, slowing down, taking a step back, listening to your body, and asking yourself, “how am I doing?”.

I would like for you to choose one self-care behavior that you would like to incorporate into your routine and think about how you can make time for it and work that in. It could be a 10-minute walk, a five-minute breathing exercise, or having a cup of tea in the evening while you watch tv. I want you to think about how you can treat yourself as someone you love and who deserves care. And then let me know how this has changed you and affected your well-being and quality of life.